What I’ve Learned in 25 Years of Teaching and Coaching

I started teaching martial arts at 13 years old. Now, 25 years later, I’ve had the privilege of coaching countless students and learning just as many lessons myself. Along the way, I’ve discovered principles that not only shape my teaching but also guide me in everyday life.

Here are three of the most important lessons I’ve learned.

 

Lesson #1: Patience

Patience comes first because it is the foundation of growth. Whether you’re teaching, training, or competing, progress takes time.

If you’ve ever tried to teach a six-year-old an advanced technique, you know exactly what I mean. It’s like teaching someone how to write. First, you learn letters. Then, you form words, then sentences, then paragraphs. Eventually, you learn cursive and develop your own style.

Jiu-jitsu works the same way. Students must build step by step—letter by letter. Over time, those steps become fluid techniques, combinations, and eventually a personal style. This process takes hundreds, if not thousands, of hours. As a coach, that can feel overwhelming, but patience is what allows both teacher and student to succeed.

Adults, too, must embrace patience. Just because you’re fully grown doesn’t mean you’ll pick things up instantly. Adults bring a lifetime of habits—good and bad—that can slow the learning process. You may even discover you don’t fully understand how to move your body in certain ways. That’s normal. The key is to let go of ego, embrace the process, and be patient with yourself.

As Aristotle once said:
“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”

And as Epictetus reminded us:
“No great thing is created suddenly.”

 

Lesson #2: Stay Calm and Move On

The ability to stay calm under pressure is one of the most valuable skills in both coaching and competing.

As a coach, if you have a bad day, feel burned out, or are frustrated with how class is going, your students will notice. If you lose control of your emotions, what does that teach them? It teaches that it’s acceptable to react without discipline—inside the gym and in daily life.

The truth is, there are countless things in life we can’t control. Flat tires, long days, tough opponents—none of these are in our power. What we can control is how we react to them.

The same applies in competition. You can’t control who you face in the first round. But you can control how you approach the match. If you let panic take over, your breathing becomes erratic, your vision narrows, and you lose focus on what matters. Win or lose, your mindset is always yours to command.

Marcus Aurelius said it best:
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

 

Lesson #3: Understanding

Understanding is crucial for any coach. You must remember that your students don’t have your experience, knowledge, or perspective—and you shouldn’t expect them to.

Stepping onto the mats takes courage. For a new student, jiu-jitsu can be overwhelming. Your role as a coach (and as an upper belt) is to help them persevere through the challenges, not discourage them.

I always compare it to music. I have zero musical ability, but if I took a guitar lesson and the teacher dismissed me because I couldn’t move my fingers the right way, I’d probably quit. Now imagine learning guitar, but instead of practicing alone, you had to perform against Jimi Hendrix. That’s what it feels like for a white belt rolling with experienced students.

Some gyms adopt a “sink or swim” approach. And while that may work for some, I believe coaching should focus on building resilience—not just beating up new white belts. My goal is to help students grow into not only black belts but also stronger human beings.

Epictetus said:
“No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.”

And Seneca reminds us:
“We should give as we would receive—cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers.”

 

Final Thoughts

After 25 years of coaching, these three lessons—patience, staying calm, and understanding—continue to shape the way I teach and live. They’re not just lessons for martial arts, but lessons for life.