When it comes time to coach a teammate or student, there’s an important question to ask yourself: Am I coaching out of confidence, or insecurity?
I’ve been coaching in Jiu-Jitsu and MMA for a long time, and I’ll admit—I’ve fallen into this trap myself. Many coaches confuse screaming with being “passionate,” but in reality, yelling is often a sign of insecurity.
I’ve seen it time and time again: when a student is losing a match, the coach gets louder and louder, as if volume alone could change the outcome. But the truth is, losing—especially at local tournaments, at white or blue belt, or at any level—isn’t the end of the world. For new competitors, the experience is already stressful and nerve-wracking. A screaming coach doesn’t calm them down; it only adds pressure, doubt, and confusion.
When coaches lose control—whether by yelling in frustration or being obnoxious in victory—it doesn’t reflect on the athlete, it reflects on the coach.
An Example
I once had a young boy competing against a student from a rival gym. Our gyms don’t have the best relationship, but I never bring that negativity to my students. It’s not their burden to carry.
That day, my student competed hard and showed great character in both winning and losing. His opponent also displayed strong skills and good sportsmanship, and ultimately, he walked away with the gold.
What stood out most to me, though, wasn’t the kids—it was the behavior of the opposing coach. At a small regional tournament, where kids are just testing themselves and learning, this coach acted completely out of control. “Over-excited” would be putting it lightly. Instead of setting an example of composure, humility, and discipline, he turned the spotlight onto himself.
As coaches, we must remember: we lead by example. Our athletes learn not just from our words, but from how we act. When they win, we should show grace. When they lose, we should show support. Loud outbursts don’t demonstrate passion—they reveal insecurity.
At the end of the day, my student gave his best effort. I told him how proud I was, reminded him of all the good things he did, and pointed out a few small areas we can improve. That’s all that matters. He’ll come back stronger next time.